My ultimate fear (Part I)

In my dream it felt as though I was in some part of Madrid, some place where I faintly recalled going with a bunch of my hostel friends...a church or something historic...the weather was warm with a soft tint of the blue sky above. The street was rather empty. Nonetheless, I recognized my location (minus my hostel friends) and thought of walking back in the other direction perhaps towards the train station. Then I saw this huge billboard with a child on it, with the number 10 everywhere. It registered in my mind as shir-kuai (10yuan) and felt like an ad for campaigning to donate 10 kuai to the development of chinese kids. As I continued to walk past that large billboard, the roads became a little dingier and I immersed myself back into China.

There, I met a bunch of students that I instinctively knew were the new kids on the Beijing Program. I joined them, believing that I was back in China, and I had no idea why I was there. It felt as though I decided to stay there an extra semester. I thought- perfect, then I can finish up some internship projects I want to work on, and gave some of the people in the program tips about Beijing life. Then I heard the "oven" alarm go off and it was supposedly scallops or gratin (too much of that potato scallop commercial last night lol!) It kept on ringing, and I woke up to realize that it was the alarm from my roommate's room that was going off.

Yet I woke up with the the word "stagnant" echoing through my head. I mean the dream wasn't exactly a nightmare per say, but it made me think back to the time I told Rich how I felt about not going to Japan...that one day in DC I'd freak out, buy a plane ticket, and fly off. It's childish for me to say, but I don't feel quite as grounded in DC. Heck, I randomly bought a plane ticket to Venezuela in the midst that I was cold.

There isn't much here in DC that convinces me to stay grounded. Perhaps my mind is always floating around and restless, but I haven't found anyone or anything that had such a large weight on me to make me keep close to the ground. Sometimes in class, my mind is halfway across the world, walking down the cold winter roads in Brussels or laying on the beach in Corsica. I'm ready to take up an adventure again, throw myself back into the world and on the road...This feeling of being stagnant freaks me out at times...yet at the same time I feel a little tired, in hopes there is someone or something that I can lean on...