What I Returned For

There are just days when a brilliant thought comes to mind. For me, I usually have ten million ideas racing through my head a minute, and suddenly I'd pull out a random thought and blurt it out loud. One recent thought that has suddenly popped into my conscience was why the heck I was back in DC when my mind is everywhere but in the country. That question has stuck with me the moment I made my decision to come back to DC, why trade a semester of being in Japan to be back in the land of politics? I mean, I don't regret having this amazing internship. But what else do I live for here if I feel so...stagnant? That thought looming over my head can make me spin in circles of contemplation. Then yesterday it finally hit me- it was to find myself. Aha! Reflection time. Thought I got enough of that in Beijing eh?

So I started to reflect on my personality. My character. (You can quite tell I did not do much schoolwork yesterday). How would I describe myself? Crazy (in a good outgoing way), loyal, honest, would I say ambitious? Words I felt certain about myself no longer deemed as true when I started to question my uncertainty.

I have to admit, this is the first time in a while since I have been so lost and open to the many options out there in the world. I love my brilliant ideas of going to any continent in the world, working, travelling, heck even working at a youth hostel to get by. Just anywhere in the world. My goal is to be in the Foreign Service, but what good would it do if I don't understand the culture of the world before joining? There is a tiny little bug in buzzing around me that nags about how I can afford all this, which never presented a problem before, but now I see how growing up and earning real money will have to do the trick. I've raised the funds for my university education on my own, so it only means more real hard work for my goals.

Then the amazing word came to mind. I was self-destructive. Well, perhaps. Let me roll along with this idea. This came from the multiple times I could've done a lot better academically, but I'd throw it all away in the last attempts. I'd go more in depth about it but I think I just like that word and learning more about it within myself.

So give me one word that describes me. Well, one positive and one negative. haha, my roommate gave me three though: bubbly, interesting, smart, respectively.