Step by Step, Day by Day

I've got to say that despite the chaoticness of life on certain days, I'm doing pretty well. I enjoy running around like some crazy lady, multitasking. Oddly enough, I've fallen 3 times since being in DC in a week and a half. Somehow I slipped/tripped on myself. I do wonder how that happens to me, but I no longer question it and laugh at it like all those who also witness the event. LoL.

I'm still crashing at my friend's apartment, and I actually found a place that is nearby campus to sublet for about 2 months, starting February 23. That's when the girl flies out to Thailand. It's about a good time for me, especially since it's after my internship's national meeting from February 14-17, then along the time with some exams and papers. As long as my friend doesn't get sick of me hanging around it's all good. I'm quite glad I have still a handful of people I know in DC that are willing to give me a helping hand, it means so much to me after learning so much as changed in the past few months. It's like- yeahh, I see some people I know around campus and they sort of just look in shock that I'm back. I suppose a year is long, and I've seen the effects it has had.

Then I just joined this Society for Peace and Conflict Resolution, where they have a one day conference in March, which seems amazingly cool. They will publish a book on young leaders in today's society, and how they are leading the scene working with little funding and many events. So I brought up my case about my proposal to do student exchanges with disadvantaged Chinese (preferably female) students. I have been trying to work on different fundings that won't make the rich students take up all the opportunities.

Sometimes when I talk, I do wonder what comes out of my mouth, if it is coherent and logical. Especially when I speak in my Japanese Political Economy class, where I claimed according to my experience in China, perhaps corruption in a 3rd world country that is attempting to build itself up really isn't a bad idea. I'm awfully silly, and I do sometimes wonder how people keep up with my awkward pace.

Back to Reality

Ever since I moved back to DC, things have picked up pace. There hasn't been a single day this week when I woke up later than 8:15 and gone to bed after midnight. I've been running around since Tuesday, going to classes that I frankly did not know whether I was required for it. I've went to a total of 5 classes, 2 of them I'm not going to be taking this semester. blah. I've decided to take only 4 classes this semester since 3 of them are going to be pretty hard I believe.

Been staying with at my friend's apartment with a biting cat...the cat is cute I just wish it didn't bite. Plus I feel bad for bumming over at his place for quite some time since I wake up so early as well and by the time I get back I'm thoroughly exhausted and just pass out. Hopefully I'm moving to my other friend's apartment so I won't be as much of a bother.

Found potential house as potential roommate already sent in the application to rent the place. I'm still wondering whether it's the place to be...I've got to see the rooms. I just want to be settled, and I've got my hands tied up in all different directions. At least it's near a bus station so I don't need to worry about transportation to my internship.

I'm slowly getting life sorted out...my mind is always running with things to do...thinking of times when I was in another country just going out with friends...I'm not too worried about anything really, but just passive stress that makes it hard for me to go back to sleep if I happen to wake up in the middle of the night...or I hope I don't talk in my sleep thinking I'm awake.

I'm quite possible to graduate a semester early...just something I never imagined since I always thought of myself going for all 4 years. But I might just do so in order to save some money. Never imagined money to be an issue though I absolutely don't have much. Life is throwing me random teases in addition to what I need to get done, where I just take in a deep breath, and though its not a big problem, I've just gotta solve it.

Letter Graveyard

I was browsing around on livejournal, and saw this thing called letter graveyard. It's for people who have written out letters to fully express their feelings towards someone/a situation, but never sent out. I read through a few pages, of course they were always the extreme of emotions of course- love and anger.

Maybe all those letters and the author's stories should end up in a collection labelled "Book you should bang your head on." Quite appealing, ain't it? I think there I would contribute one myself then.

Then I read through a few more letters. Some had comments in them, so I browsed a few of those too. It turned out that others could relate and felt that same letter could've been written by them too. It's sad to know so many people have been cheated on, been the cheater, told some lies; yet there are so many unrequited love letters to balance out the effect and mellow out the tone. So I thought, how different and similar are we all?

Here I am, trying to write my own story. I've always wanted to be different. Yet, amongst the many who study International Relations, a good portion idealistically want to end up working for the government or an NGO. I suppose I am part of that rat race.

Soon, I'll be part of a number of graduating students scurrying off to find a proper job. Honestly, I don't feel I'll have too much difficulty in the employment area with my current resume, so that cuts off another portion of similar stories.

Then the struggle for success, recognition, and the ideal lifestyle that was implanted in most of our American dreaming brains: a pretty house with white picket fences, a spouse, and 2 kids. Green grass, chirping birds, shiny cars, and uhhhh, hello? Welcome to divorceville, population: more than half this country.

Seriously, this struggle is faced especially in career women; we're not like those dreamy Japanese housewives where once they are either married or have a kid, they would say at the office, "Thaaaatt's it folks! I'm outttaaa here!" No, I have goals to improve this world, and to face the decision of balancing a family or career, well the latter comes first. So that decision hacks off another good portion of the rat race.

I don't know why, but I love trying to be different from everyone else. I am not sure if that is because there is something I want to prove. However, I always like to do something a little different. And even all my friends are the same, yet constrastingly different from myself- my best friends come from all different countries and faiths. What I love about my best friends are that they complete me, and what I lack, they make up for- ending up as my arm, a finger, a heart.

What am I? As much as I love being different, I also love relating. I remember at times when I was in China wondering about the lives of random people passing me by. The way they would hurry across the street, I wondered if they were married, what they were thinking at that moment. Maybe what to make for dinner, or when to pick up their kids. Then I'd sometimes think of my friends, those who I know well. I would wonder what they thought of in certain situations, initial reaction to an amusing situation, having them be with me in spirit.

Perhaps I am still trying to discover more about myself. Please let me know something about myself that you feel I should know. Well, the rest is still unwritten.

Kindness is not forgotten

A random note crossed my mind last night as I was in bed about to fall asleep. I suddenly thought about this nice couple from Philadelphia that I had met in Pisa- Jon and Joan. They were like the State Farm Insurance company commercial- how one does a good deed and another person noticed the action, touched, and does the same. This continues the pattern of good deeds. They, within a span of half a day and probably less than 30 Euros, made my day and really believe in strangers doing good deeds for others.

Those are the types of people I have had the privilege to meet and touched my the bottom of my heart, motivating me to make sure I mind the people around me.

Meeting You and Me

Just copying and pasting some past reflections down taken from a personal 3rd person piece. Smile and do a good deed today. :)

Paths often cross between two people for a reason.

At this intersection, they have a choice whether to stop and greet each other, and to open themselves up to a potential friend. It only takes that split second to decide whether or not to extend that connection, five minutes to learn about someone, another ten to be friends with them, and perhaps a lifetime to forget. That initial connection is like plugging something into an outlet and a small spark appears. We cannot turn back time but continue to do our best to make up for the time that was lost and enjoy the rest of life without sadness. Life was about karma, keeping a perfect balance between the good and bad. When the time comes, we all separate back onto our own paths and walk alone. It is a pity for sure. Life is about meetings and separations; if there was another chance meeting that was forged by fate, destiny would take its role. There’s only an extent of decision making that is controlled by our two hands, however she still did not believe there was a god that weaved all these meetings.

In search of a heart

So I decided I'd donate some money to an organization that helps support kids-aka adopt a kid in a 3rd world country. Well, people may ask why I'm doing this especially since I don't like kids, believe in overpopulation, and barely give a farthing to beggars on the street. Heck, I also don't even have any income such that it would actually just add into my debts.

I'll have to say this was first inspired by a conversation with dear friend Machada, then again reinforced by grandma visiting from HK, and my conscience to give back to society in some way (that does not require me to end up in a premed major, and volunteer in doctors without borders- with my skills, people will flee a country). Thereby I decided to look up organizations to give my cents to a worthy cause.

Well, dear Google, #2 on the search ends up with: http://www.cynicalbastards.com/cynic/contrib/3wpoverty.html

In critique of the article, it's frankly quite sad how a raging mom rants about having her tubes tied, the fact donating to 3rd World Organizations will only add onto more kids and overpopulation. Not that the reply was any better put. I've come to a conclusion things do happen for a reason, and the fact this insanely white woman reminds me once again of the Burger King episode a backpacker in Berlin witnessed (she kept on repeating her order louder and louder and finally got frustrated and said "Don't you people speak AMERICAN?!"), was just another notice of rich people without a brain. Maybe she hasn't been out of the country recently, or like ever. Oh yes, please do go hit up Mexico for the pina coladas and cheap goods though.

Perhaps she's a lawyer, or secretary, or some decent job, and she does have a vague concept that life does not surround the US of A, but she doesn't understand that there are people who just can't find that job, can't make that daily bread, can't stop reproducing because they think extra kids would equal more helping hands on the fields. Yes there are actually parts of the States where it's actually poorer than 3rd world countries. We'd like to neglect them so that we don't notice how disgustingly "dirty" our own turf is. And please don't blame other races, ethnicities, whatever there is to be labelled. Our world is far from perfect, yet we love to correct others that are for "the best interests of the country".

Okay I'm not a fan to beggars since I honestly think there are better ways to go on their lives and get something productive done without being on the streets. A classmate tried donating some coins to a violin playing beggar boy on the streets of Croatia when some stranger kicked the can over; she tried helping him pick up the coins to then which she was thrown dirt at. People, no matter how crappy your day has been, I cannot imagine why someone would throw dirt on some other random stranger just trying to be nice.

Heck, then again I've heard a few classmates on my Beijing program say "wouldn't the world be better if I killed off all these beggar kids?" while on our quite pricey study trip #1 (of the Hanging Temples of Taiyuan)- those kids at least work hard collecting empty water bottles whereas they spend most of their money getting insanely drunk and acting stupid every weekend. Yes I'm sure their money could definitely be put to better use rather than to forget their pitiful lives their rich mommy and daddies have trustfunded them with.

Despite not a fan of beggars, I am in full support of children attaining education, having the opportunity to grow up and be given that small chance of sucess at life, which does not require making a living having their moms kick them out on the streets at night so that they beg for money from drunk foreigners. Seen it all over Europe, plenty of Romas (aka Gypies by their informal, better known name), China in abundance.

Yes, there are many who cheat this system of humanity and compassion. It's sad to say 99% of what I saw in China felt that way-their main desire is to make lots of money. That's why I want to find a legit one out there I can donate to while I'm in school and then help out in one of those third world countries doing good for a bit before trying to help the world itself. My family is far from rich, but according to my grandma- it's definitely plenty more than what she had as a child- and I'm honestly grateful for the life and support my parents have given me. Unfortunately, there are plenty other parents who are better off but won't give a hoot to their kids, or want to support their kids in dreams and aspirations but just can't even afford the next meal. Hello, I'm Stephanie, and I'm trying to be one big band-aid for society.

New Year's Resolutions

Well, have been back in the good ole U S of A for the past 4-5 days, with a rickety bed (aka sleeping bag), overdose of relatives, and very little unpacking. All I have to say is...I still want those homemade chocolate chip cookies!!!

2007 is going to be a big bag of surprises- I know 2006 was. I have to say it is hard to top 2006- as I was in Europe partying it up with Pat, backpacking, and hitting up China where I met some really diverse amazing people that I love. Sooo...let's see where 2007 will bring me. Hopefully beats what the palm reader told me since it just sounds so boring to be just not bad.

Countries I want to visit:
Japan (if I get that Nambu Internship)
Venezuela (end of Dec 2007 with Pat?? Celebrate New Years with my 2 best buds)
Egypt, Croatia, or Romania (if I teach this summer)
Well, the point is anywhere is a possibility and I'm loving it. Especially if I did my math correctly and I might be able to graduate a semester early (ps I suck at math)-- so I'll have somoe more time to do even more travelling...like maybe work and travel...hm...

Anyways, new years resolutions
1) To smile more. :) I think I was a little down too many times the past semester over really stupid things
2) Enjoy my time at AU and make some new friends. I'm sure I will as long as I don't become a workaholic
3) According to palm reader- be more ambitious. Don't do everything half assed. I feel like lately I've lost this motivation or drive to be ambitious after being in China. Heck, I'd use to tell my friends what I craved for dinner and that's what we had! If my taste buds lost some sense in good food, then somethings wrong.

Anywho, Happy New Year, and another 5 or so months until I'm legally able to drink in the US.

Alone in Nanjing...

Today was a semi hectic day. I helped a friend speed pack the rest of his stuff, and basically trying to zipper everything to make it all fit. I really don't know how we did it, but we finished in time, and got ourselves to the airport before our planes left in different direction. I have to admit, I got almost teary thinking about missing him when I was in the cab, but that's why I didn't say goodbye. Goodbyes sound quite permanent, and I hope we'll meet again. Other than that, my zai jians to everyone else were classic short and sweet. I'm so glad I helped him with his stuff (actually I would have no idea how he would have managed it if I wasn't around as well); he had soooo much stuff (5) that it was like when I hauled my ass home from Japan- I was so sick of the situation that I could only think about leaving instead of feeling sad. It was just weird that since I had so much thinking time to the hostel, I started thinking how it would be like with the people I usually hang out with being in Nanjing with me...oh my the voices in my head!!! I'll have fun times with or without them, but I hope they also have those random moments like I do with them.

Since I can't find to China Construction nearby and I basically used all my money for paying cab rides for me and my friend to the airport, to Nanjing Youth Hostel, etc, I am currently...broke. It's all good, I'll look for one tomorrow morning before going to wander around. Nanjing is an interesting place; the cab system works differently and the guy I had was picking people up while I was still in the cab...lol. It was just weird. I think I'm going to give up asking cabbies if they like their job; they always say no. Ah well, just trying to start a conversation. Though if I got a yuan for every person who asked me if I was Korean, I'd be rich. LoL, or Sarah says, I'd have a dollar. Okay, well definitely more than a dollar, make it at least 5.

Blahhh

Okay I wrote this entire entry about how my camera is broken and IE just decided to freeze on me just before publishing and now it's just turning into an annoying day where nothing is going right.

I think its karma; I don't know exactly what I did wrong to deserve this camera dropping incident where now the barrel is jammed tilted and no longer works. But I know its been a past two annoying days where the highlight of this trip is askewed with chinese 1gb usb drive not working properly so now I also lost my terracotta soldiers pictures. Maybe photos were just not meant to be, but it does suck. and karma hit me directly at my weakest spot: my love for electronics.

Guess one thing in life I will always be easily replacing where money is of no object: cameras.

Travels

So, currently writing this on a sticky keyboard in Tibet. Yes, Tibet. I'm going to make this short as I have no idea how long I have at the Internet cafe. But travelling has made me want to pick up my roots and fly away again. Anywhere. But next semester I'll be back at AU. Japan, fall senior year. Life changes. I've changed. For the better. A lot of stories have missed this blogging opportunity but I hope I will have a chance to post them up sometime. Like taking a 26hr train from Xinning to Lhasa, waking up at 8:30am suddenly to see the gorgeous moon and the various blues that go along the desert. So many stories, so little time. Being in all these undeveloped parts make me appreciate the life I have, the opportunities I have selfishly indulged in.

It is so hard to describe the beauty and the downfall of cities in what I have seen. It is sometimes a pity...

Living life one step at a time.

A lot has happened in the past 10 days. Long story very short, Pretty much, a change of course in my future plans. I never felt as freaked out as I have been the past days as I contemplated about the future of my life. I was supposed to go to Japan, had second thoughts, then based it all on whether or not I got a scholarship. Well in the end, I didn't, and strategically (though financially more), it is best to be back at AU. So that's where I decided...as I claimed, officially. I still have time to decide, and as Zach had calmed me down earlier on Sunday (thank goodness he was around), not to count my chickens or eggs before they hatch. Or some similar analogy. After talking to him, I felt so much better as I was going insane about my decision to be back at AU.

After reading an email from my Japan advisor, Heidi, who responded to my "I might not be going to Japan anymore" she made me feel positive of all my decisions. I laughed about my worried feelings on Sunday as it was the first time in years I have felt so mentally unstable with decision making, and felt like I might just as well end up going to AU, take courses and all of a sudden come end of March, and I just book it and fly off to Japan.

Honestly I feel like I have nothing to keep me grounded. When someone asked me where do I want to be, I don't know. Anything has been good as long as I was off and around the world. Nothing has intrigued me long enough to keep my interest and made me feel like I had a place there. Perhaps travelling is my drug of choice...I don't know how it all adds up financially, but I guess it would be almost the same price?? Though saying travelling is my hobby sounds more...sophisticated. LoL, imagine if someone wrote "using drugs" in their list of hobbies...eerrhhh kay.

As people started counting down, which I have down for the past months, I feel like this time I finally have stopped counting. I have decided to just things go with the flow, and finally am back to myself. It's a nice feeling going back to normalcy. I've also noticed how I had this sudden realization that I'm over with seeing some good friends I have made here. I'm quite sure I'll see Bennett and Jon around at AU and hang out with them, but some people that I have been hanging around so often I know I definitely won't see them again. Like "ohhh I will come visit you!" etc etc bs. BULL. 99% of them, I can definitely tell it'll be "seeyaaa!" and that will be that.

I know I'll be in Boston for sure seeing some peeps, visitng my bestfriend, killing two or three birds with one stone. But besides that, all of a sudden i look at some and think- well, you say those words so openly that I definitely predict it will not happen. Don't both to even say you'll keep in touch when you don't mean it. I've travelled long enough to pick out who is going to make the effort.

I guess that me being back to normal, I have noticed more and more people's real faces and though I thought I knew some people real well, I can just predict that another layer will just show a face of lies. Then start wondering how long they have been lying and putting up that fake face, or like which words are full of bs. I try to keep my word so I know my deal. But besides that, life is just full of lies, and liars who tell them.

I decided not to take any more shit from people and just do things my way from now on. As one lady said to me outside of Shaoyuan 5- "explanations- friends don't need em, and enemies don't care". If you're a real friend, you'll also take that iniative to approach me first without having to say so. But I have that feeling that, well, if we do meet again in a chance meeting or effort, then it's meant to be that way. But besides that, I'm just to realistic.

Gong An? Gong An??

Anyone call for a Gong An?
公安
That's one word people should know in China. Especially foreigners.

I only came upon that word as the police car was parked outside my dorm for the past 2 days, and came to recognize it from- gong as in public, and an (which i learned in japanese first)- to be at east. So translates to public ease. Finally got that into my vocab and well put at use on my way to Bennett's apartment.

We head into a cab and the cabbie decides to take a left turn out of ximen (rather than the right, which is fastest), and somehow takes the highway. Usually, to Bennett's place its towards Wudaokou on the main road and turn a left before we hit the train station. So that wasn't even a long way, it was probably the longest way possible some sly cheat can conjure up. So, I ask him why he was taking such a long road. In Chinese of course. He ignores me. I call him driver in Chinese. He ignores me. I finally tap on his shoulder and he responds, and I asked him the former question again. He does the Ting Bu Dong (can't understand), and fails to even try the slightest bit to try and understand. So...he wants to play it that way eh??

I whip out my vocabulary, finally well put into use. If he thinks I suck at Chinese, why not? I say in the most innocently high pitched or retarded sounding (wrong tones and all) Mandarin- "Gong Ahn? Gong Ahn?" That got his attention since he was startled. I decided to see how far I could play since I was in the mood to push buttons. Almost an eye for an eye. "Gong Ahn? Gong An? Da den wa gei gong an?" --aka give a call to police? LoL. I decided to play around with that phrase a little more like I was practicing my chinese.

Finally he was about several turns away when I get back to sounding serious and just told him in Mandarin- We know what you're doing, we're not stupid. Loud enough for him to listen if he wants, enough to pretend i was having conversation with my two poorly spoken foreign friends in chinese, though they definitely did not know what i would be saying lol. cab moves along a little faster. Finally there. Bennett takes the reciept this time around, to back up his threat. Karma man, Karma. It'll find him. It's all about honesty.

Buddha, a Christian, and an alien?!

Just being contemplative. Contemplatively artsy.

The past week has been quite a studious week. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to work on my paper till i'm finished with each and every one. To add a fun state to it, rub it in other people's faces mwahaha. Okay I'm kidding.

I've been feeling artsy lately, perhaps after cracking from paper writing. Maybe even ambitious enough to send out christmas cards. LoL maybe. If I find something of that sort. mmhhh to stretch out from my typical group of hangout buds has been refreshing, but nonetheless, I realized how there are just some people you do certain things with and enjoy a lot more. No matter how I want to ween off of my friends here, I realize how I'm a little worried that I'll never see them again, 90% chance of that. It's sad, but that's how paths are crossed. Perhaps I'll see the people that go to my school again, but as for the rest, after the first chance meeting, the second, maybe it means friendships are strengthened. No matter how I say I miss you to some of my friends and really mean it, it doesn't mean anything in the end. However, if we do have the chance to meet again, now that definitely means something. Just let things flow, and see where life takes us. I'm ready to spin the globe and wherever my finger stops, I'll go. My paths have widened up to the point where perhaps it may not be spontaneous, but I have so many possibilities where everything is an option.

Why are we so afraid? I find myself feeling that way sometimes.

Should I be counting down?

As things come to a close, I yet still have another few months here in China. Fall has come and soon to pass. I find myself being in Beijing for a little longer. It's funny how life works: everything falls in place, there is a stage set for the next scene. (yes, i'm feeling a little artsy at the moment and no I don't have a glass of wine in hand).

And then you ponder if you settled without fully realizing? I told everyone that I wouldn't live in Beijing, then ironically, I find myself several days later extending my stay. I try to imagine myself in the next few months, alone. It is refreshing, yet a little sad that the friends I have made here will come and go. Who knows if I'll see them again, who knows what they actually think when they leave. We all split onto our own ways, but I hope some of them I will cross paths with and reconnect, over a cup of coffee perhaps. I really do hope so, as some are quite innovative and I want to hear about their success conquering or making it a better place. I guess I shouldn't be shedding tears just yet, as I have another month with them. But I try to ween myself off, so as to prepare myself for the January alone in Beijing as a young non-studious adult, and for the time that comes to truly part from them. It'll be a lot harder than with the bunch I had in Belgium though I'll confess.

Life Abroad

In a blink of an eye, another month is about to pass. I've never expected that time would fly by so fast, faster than when I was in Belgium. I'm at the point where I suppose I've finally hit that block of panic. Panicking about what? I'm not too sure. I really came here to expect the unexpected, meet some people, shop and eat. Despite the decent program itinerary, I have found that China really grows on you. I've made Chinese friends, talk to a lot of people, and just been more around the socializing scene than in Belgium. Basically I'm turned into a girl. I know way too much about everyone. Some I can handle, the rest I prefer not to know. It is great to have amazing friends here and I realized how if I put effort, I can really get a good sense of what they're feeling. Minus some moments...okay I'm not a stalker lols.

Then while I was in my slump today, I realized that other people's moods really do affect me. If I hang around certain person(s) for too long, I see the negativity in life, and basically end up in some twisted sarcasm that might as well be fit for some murderer. Then I realized how hanging out with one of my really good friends here has opened me up for the better, or well the more vulnerable to being happy. However, the world seems a little wrong when my friend has one of those silent irritated days once in a blue moon and it brings me down as well.

And thus, as I was playing pool today, I contemplated about how I'll be leaving my friends here, my moments of happiness with friends that were forged within a few weeks.Life suddenly becomes either longlasting...or cheap. I will understand if I don't see some of my friends that I made here back in the US one day, for our roads only briefly merged on our way to our goals. But I dearly hope, they will one day remember me, and at least think back to all the memories we had hanging out, and say, we had an awesome time, and she was a great friend (and really meaning it). Cause, I hope I will do the same too.

It's not about me Sunday

As I was sitting in the school canteen about a week ago with Zack, somehow I just started thinking about how it would be so hard to go back to the States after being in China. I've done Belgium and such before, but China is definitely just a different experience. We've reached the one month mark.

After a full week of partying, a range emotions that run both high and disgustingly low, I had a good amount of time to reflect about China and the way my life has been heading. Honestly I can say it is pretty much on track as to what I have wanted to achieve. Perhaps life is more than about achievements and goals, but those are th things I value most.

I asked a friend on day in the cab about my biggest flaw. From his personal point of view, it was atheism. But then again he was raised with strong christian beliefs. Nonethe less it bothered me to know that for some reason. I have changed a lot of my religious ideology since I was a kid, from hating religion, having people stop being my friends due to being an athiest, to having best friends from every religion, to accepting people and their religious beliefs. I feel like I have a adequate explanation for my athiesm and from swaying from a god, and even explaining to people apparently is not enough for them to accept my athiesm. I've had a friend almost divorce her husband after she found out he no longer believed in the religion they married under. Imagine, religion is so strong, it has a divide even in love. It is basically like a racial or ethnic divide that really makes me wonder if people can overlook such simple things and see the real me. It makes me wonder if real guys are willing to see and not get scared by my outward strong ambitious independent female appearance and be willing to take that chance and say- hey she's cool and she can fend for herself and I like that and shouldn't consider who wears the pants in the relationship as a problem. It's sad I haven't met a guy that really fits that category and have the guts to approach me other than phased as a friend, or they are the players or idiots who don't know any better. Oh wait, I do take that back since there was one guy but that was long history (that lasted only a span of less than a week).

I was just considering this because I was in Qingdao the past 3 days and a whole slew of girls were getting married during the mid autumn festival holiday. I then wondered if they really loved their husbands enough to get into a group marriage, or did they marry just to be socially accepted? I'm way beyond social acceptance i realized, but the idea of how some people do certain things to be accepted is a little sad.

An Eventful Weekend

Well, the last post I wanted to put out there was accidentally erased due to the fact I was working on it at my internship on a chinese computer.

Fritday night, a bunch of us went to see the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra play some russian classical pieces. It was a worthy event to get prettied up for, and it was a great time. I found a bunch of the boys skipping out on the back seats and sitting up front, so I just went there as well. It was great entertainment for $15 USD.

A bunch of us then headed up to Yemmi's bday party. It was going pretty well until this guy on the program decided to touch my ass trying to push his luck on the death threats I made to him for the past 2 days. Well his balls are still intact right now but that night I threw my malibu and pinapple juice in his face and told him to fuck off before walking away. I hate those obviously desperate guys who tries to hit on every girl he sees, hoping he'd strike some luck. He should know who he deals with before he tries, I have gotten guys blacklisted by the whole Japanese community at AU before (and basically no longer attending AU). Though I've changed my ways in terms of being violent, it doesn't mean I'll take shit from such shameless lowlife beings. And when I get mad about injustice, I'll strike with a vengence. Hm...maybe I should join up and become the lady yazuka boss!

Anyways, Saturday I went to the Lama Temple and saw all the cool Budda statues. It's a pretty cool thing to see despite the fact I'm an athiest. I wanted to try out those praying incense things everything went there to do, but I thought if I did try it was alittle disrespectful to the culture. Almost considered converting myself to being Buddist just to try it out.

Climbing the Great Wall of China

As my Chinese Political Reforms prof says the saying goes, "You are not a man until you've climbed the Great Wall". Well, though I'm no man, I've climbed it. I feel bad for those soldiers back in the day, those were some pretty hefty steps I hiked. I couldn't believe I hiked so many steps (whatever is in the picture plus several more towers worth). It really wasn't that bad, though my legs are still killing me today. Good times, Good times. 

Beida, Xie men!

First thing one needs to know are Beijing University: how to take the cab back in the middle of the night. Just say "Beida Xie Men" aka Beijing University, West Gate.

Being that I've been here for about 3 weeks now ( and about 2 weeks of Beida), I'm finally getting settled in. Beijing isn't looking so dirty anymore, but definitely I feel like my appetite hasn't fully settled back to my normal (gigantic) porportions. So here's a brief update about the area.

Wudaokou: a straight road from Beida into the lively food and bar area. It's also where you can take the subway. I have found out how cab drivers LOVE to rip foreigners off even driving a straight line back from the clubs to Beida by taking the longer way, and racking up the bill to another 5 or so quai. I hate feeling so helpless in those situations and often yell at them.

In Wudaokou, you have a variety of drinking places to head out to.
1) Beer Garden- its not much of a beerfest there, but for 4 quai, you can get a glass of yanjing beer. Hungry? There are tons of skewer stands surrounding this garden like area with cheap (questionably health hazardous) food. Then again, last night I ate some grilled skewer my friend bought after drinking and I think it was cartilage. oh well, it was 1 quai.
2) Lush- an all foriegner attending bar/lounge, with a pretty chilled atmosphere along with some yummy food. Though I have to say I'm never getting spicy thai noodles ever again since that almost killed me. They do have spaghetti though.
3) ZUB- managed by the same guy from Lush, ZUB is more of a lounge/club with good music. Minus that Saturday that was somehow reggae night. Wednesday is an amazing ladies night with 4 coupons to share with the boys. I've been there twice already for ladies night and just keep on loving it. The manager there is one cool Aussie, though it's not cool he forgot my name the second week. I'll let it slide since he talks to everyone and there's no way he can remember them all.
4) Proproganda- Seen with a nice red star glowing within 5 steps from ZUB's doorway, Proproganda also has some cool parties going on there. To not have conflicting interests, Proproganda hosts the all you can drink night on Wednesdays, whereas it's Thursdays for ZUB.

Now you know where I frequent the most lol. Soooo gotta get outta that area but it's just too fun.

Next: Food.
1) Kro's Nest: After students found out about this little hideaway place, I think they've gone at least 2-5 times. At least for me it's twice. This delectable place has real pizza and delicious food. It's plus or minus a little expensive, at least compared to my 5quai meals on campus.

2) Dim Sum: It's located on the 5th floor of the electronics plaza at this cool restaurant. I went there 3 times already, though the 3rd time it was a little disappointing. If you go at night, they have dishes there for 3 quai each. I heart my chicken feet and cow's stomach.

3) Hotpot: Sam (this chinese guy) brought a bunch of us to this Szechuan hotpot place where it was free beer and amazing food. Zack accidently ate a pepper and was tripping up during the rest of the meal. I heart hotpot and my beef. Definitely a great night.

4) Shaolong bao- There's this 24hr joint that has real soup included shaolong bao. Basically those are steamed meat dumplings with some soup in it that comes from shanghai. I tried out this place last night and was f*kingtastic. Amazing midnight snack.

Deathbed in Beijing

Okay, I suppose I might exaggerate a little. It's about day 5 and I woke up feeling like shit. Every part of my body was aching and by the time it seemed I had a temperature, I finally got off my lazy butt and dug up my Nyquil. By the time breakfast finished, I was drugged up and ready to pass out again. Ahhh the wonders of Nyquil.

I'm still trying to figure out the cause of my sickness. Azusa always said that stupid people don't get sick, which I guess it seems I'm not entirely stupid after all. Well one main cause might be from the fact that yesterday I took a cold shower in the morning (as it only had cold water and it was using solar powered energy). Or it could be from the fact the AC is on in the room 24/7 and it feels partially caused by the bad air from the AC. I'm a big believer in not using the AC unless in extremely hot conditions (as I can survive high temperatures) and not using the AC back in Jersey and now all the time might also be a factor. I'm trying not to think about the comment one guy made about how he had heard China's tap might also contain hepatitis; I don't drink the shit but I do brush my teeth with it, shower, and occaisonally drink tea at restaurants with it. It's getting even harder not to drink beer with a meal just due to the sanitation factor. Well enough about my analyzation of illness, I've been wasting the past couple of days shopping, walking around, and watching Dharma & Greg. I feel like I want to do something else while I'm here, but overall, I know I have 4 1/2 months to do all the touristy things. Getting sick today made me have a split second of reconsideration again about changing my plane ticket and flying home right now. Back to DC where I belong, salvage whatever is left of my friends and begin the new semester with them. Then I had to consider the fact that I'm supported right now by 2- 5 grand scholarships for just being here, would have to pay a lot back if I did fly back to DC, not know what courses to choose, and skip all the fun pampering in China. Due to financial considerations, I guess I'll stay here. The thought of returning after new years and just skipping my volunteer time in Thailand also crossed my mind as well. But I really need it to boost my Fulbright application. blah.

As Prof Sun said~ China isn't the third world~ in a worried questionaire from a fellow classmate, it's true. But it doesn't mean China is a dirty dirty place. Hutong is getting it's pavements and there is an obscene amount of dirt particles floating everywhere. People are spitting all over the streets, if not sometimes in restaurants. Just the preparation for the spit sounds disgusting. I found 2 strands of hair in a cold noodle dish. I'm usually okay about hair in food since that's what ususally happens in my own cooking, but somehow that just bugged the heck outta me. I'm trying to find some good with China besides cheap clothes and pampering, but currently I am finding it difficult. I want to get past the stage of living in a youth hostel and really start my time learning. And I have a feeling vegetarian restaurants hate me: I tried to find 2 different vegetarian restaurants in one day~ one moved to who knows where, the other one couldn't be found. It's difficult to find clean restaurants (so far I only found one and I've been sticking to it like glue) that have the food I eat, and the appetite to eat it. Oh well I hope tomorrow is a better day.