Relationships are quite important in building bridges amongst people. I mean, of course no man is an island. The connection made just passing by someone could be a potential relationship, a spark--and that's the beauty of it all.
So now, as I was sitting in my International Law class with a bunch of future law school kids, the professor is painting a grim tale about the cons of being a lawyer, and one's probably success working in a big firm. The key to it all is networking.
Being quite confident of my resume and networking skills, I felt like I did not have this problem. I may not ever go into the business of law school and be required to smooze clients, but I do have the connections I need to build a level of trust and understanding in the NGO and (hopefully sometime later) the government. I've worked in the "strategic advising" (aka lobbying) area while I was in Belgium, pure NGO (though will nationalist undertones of course) in China, and now I'm quite confident my work at NCIV will only cultivate more relationships and the areas of my interest: (public) diplomacy. Perhaps not so much in my long term goal in international aerospace relations, but I will work my way in eventually. I've always enjoyed fancy events and hanging out with older people learning about their jobs and expertise- and in some sense I have been networking. Anyways, this wasn't post wasn't supposed to be about me and my bragging rights in my own blog, but it was the introduction to thinking.
How much are you willing to sell your (soul) self in order to make it to the top?
It made me think of a girl I have come to know on my trip in China. She was very good at this skill, knowing that connections were the way to go. In fact, one of the first week we hung out together, she did explicitly mention that with my line of goals (I want to be a diplomat) perhaps she'll look me up some time later in life and we should keep in touch. I never really thought much about it except the exchange of cordial relations of being classmates.
At first glance, she was an amazing strong person. Open, gorgeous, athletic blond. I have to say on some level I admired her and her goals (of law school, being in so and so), her desire to be successful. Plenty of life experiences by the age of 21 which had made her mature. She was definitely driven.
Then as most may know from knowing a group of new people- everyone usually hangs out together and eventually drift into their own cliques. Well, she drifted into one that was more known to be the party group (mostly boys) from her school. I did not think much about it as it is understandable people from the same schools tend to group together better, as I branched off into one of my own. In due time, she was with this guy which quite made everyone question her taste.
I hate to pull the beautiful girl with the ugly guy stereotype since interest is definitely beyond looks, but she kept on persuading me, the roommate, and our other friend, that he was sweet and they have a good time together. Okay, I'll accept that since I would often give people a chance. Getting sexiled for it is a different story, but I won't get into that.
Then, comes ugly guy jealousy. Girl also enjoys talking to people (who wouldn't, it's a basis of life) and it so happens that half of this world population is of guys. I guess somehow there's a reason why ugly guys are ugly, they have confidence issues that when there is jealousy, they only get uglier. So she and the guy go out with the group every weekend to party, he assumes that whenever she talks to a guy she is flirting, and they end up fighting. He also calls her a blond ho just for jokes (which she doesn't mind, but on my scale, it would). They fight, kiss and make up, new week starts.
Finally, girl does a Girl's Night Out, having fun drinking, dancing (with guys for fun duh), doing girls stuff. Girl goes back to dorms early morning to say hi to guy, ugly guy accuses her first off the bat of her making out with random guys (which she did not do in the course of the evening), and being inebriated, she finally does her strong lawyer type argument and exclaims, "I don't even know why I'm with you" and breaks it off.
Therefore ugly guy mopes and mulls for the weekend, sulks some more to friends and brings up the courage to talk to her 48 hrs later. Somehow the apology and communication work out well and in due course, they are back together while friend and I look on saying "why the heck would she inflict herself with such an tard?"
Long story short, I hear weeks later talking to my friend about the girl and ugly guy relationship, and it turns out she did it because "his parents are so and so (probably not much) and so he has connections that I don't want to break off in such a way." In the course of spending time with this girl and hearing her stories about the type of people at her school (basically rich girls going to find well-connected husbands), she has told me how she sometimes would act and be like one of those girls when hanging out with girls of that clique.
But her true form was just a chilled girl who loves wearing cargo pants, with a childhood story of extreme financial difficulties. Instead of drowning in this difficulty, she chose to swim and overcome it. However, I wonder, did she lose herself in the process? This girl, with a heavy lump of life experiences that included a quickly failed marriage, strong athletic training, ambitions to rise in the real world...
So now, as I was sitting in my International Law class with a bunch of future law school kids, the professor is painting a grim tale about the cons of being a lawyer, and one's probably success working in a big firm. The key to it all is networking.
Being quite confident of my resume and networking skills, I felt like I did not have this problem. I may not ever go into the business of law school and be required to smooze clients, but I do have the connections I need to build a level of trust and understanding in the NGO and (hopefully sometime later) the government. I've worked in the "strategic advising" (aka lobbying) area while I was in Belgium, pure NGO (though will nationalist undertones of course) in China, and now I'm quite confident my work at NCIV will only cultivate more relationships and the areas of my interest: (public) diplomacy. Perhaps not so much in my long term goal in international aerospace relations, but I will work my way in eventually. I've always enjoyed fancy events and hanging out with older people learning about their jobs and expertise- and in some sense I have been networking. Anyways, this wasn't post wasn't supposed to be about me and my bragging rights in my own blog, but it was the introduction to thinking.
How much are you willing to sell your (soul) self in order to make it to the top?
It made me think of a girl I have come to know on my trip in China. She was very good at this skill, knowing that connections were the way to go. In fact, one of the first week we hung out together, she did explicitly mention that with my line of goals (I want to be a diplomat) perhaps she'll look me up some time later in life and we should keep in touch. I never really thought much about it except the exchange of cordial relations of being classmates.
At first glance, she was an amazing strong person. Open, gorgeous, athletic blond. I have to say on some level I admired her and her goals (of law school, being in so and so), her desire to be successful. Plenty of life experiences by the age of 21 which had made her mature. She was definitely driven.
Then as most may know from knowing a group of new people- everyone usually hangs out together and eventually drift into their own cliques. Well, she drifted into one that was more known to be the party group (mostly boys) from her school. I did not think much about it as it is understandable people from the same schools tend to group together better, as I branched off into one of my own. In due time, she was with this guy which quite made everyone question her taste.
I hate to pull the beautiful girl with the ugly guy stereotype since interest is definitely beyond looks, but she kept on persuading me, the roommate, and our other friend, that he was sweet and they have a good time together. Okay, I'll accept that since I would often give people a chance. Getting sexiled for it is a different story, but I won't get into that.
Then, comes ugly guy jealousy. Girl also enjoys talking to people (who wouldn't, it's a basis of life) and it so happens that half of this world population is of guys. I guess somehow there's a reason why ugly guys are ugly, they have confidence issues that when there is jealousy, they only get uglier. So she and the guy go out with the group every weekend to party, he assumes that whenever she talks to a guy she is flirting, and they end up fighting. He also calls her a blond ho just for jokes (which she doesn't mind, but on my scale, it would). They fight, kiss and make up, new week starts.
Finally, girl does a Girl's Night Out, having fun drinking, dancing (with guys for fun duh), doing girls stuff. Girl goes back to dorms early morning to say hi to guy, ugly guy accuses her first off the bat of her making out with random guys (which she did not do in the course of the evening), and being inebriated, she finally does her strong lawyer type argument and exclaims, "I don't even know why I'm with you" and breaks it off.
Therefore ugly guy mopes and mulls for the weekend, sulks some more to friends and brings up the courage to talk to her 48 hrs later. Somehow the apology and communication work out well and in due course, they are back together while friend and I look on saying "why the heck would she inflict herself with such an tard?"
Long story short, I hear weeks later talking to my friend about the girl and ugly guy relationship, and it turns out she did it because "his parents are so and so (probably not much) and so he has connections that I don't want to break off in such a way." In the course of spending time with this girl and hearing her stories about the type of people at her school (basically rich girls going to find well-connected husbands), she has told me how she sometimes would act and be like one of those girls when hanging out with girls of that clique.
But her true form was just a chilled girl who loves wearing cargo pants, with a childhood story of extreme financial difficulties. Instead of drowning in this difficulty, she chose to swim and overcome it. However, I wonder, did she lose herself in the process? This girl, with a heavy lump of life experiences that included a quickly failed marriage, strong athletic training, ambitions to rise in the real world...
I never can imagine selling myself to such an extent that there might as well be a multiple personality disorder in place. I sometimes put on a fake smile just to keep the day going, but never join in a crowd where I joined in just for networking and hating it.
I guess I have been quite fortunate in my daily endeavors not to be quite worried for my future or the flow of cash; all I want is a bunch of good friends, an enjoyable job where I help make a difference, and an efficient amount to live on. I don't need $150,000 a year, long work hours where I live at the office, and no life.
By the end of the semester (in the 2 weeks of travelling), the girl and I probably only had 1 conversation that lasted less than 5 minutes. I suppose I was no longer needed in her network. I wonder, years from now, will I be recieving an email or phone call from her? Or will she wake up one day realizing the depth she has fallen from her true self, lost in ambition and fake people around her? This girl, high in values, yet what did she stand for?
This post isn't to insult her (for those reading this and may think you know who it is), but to question the necessity of networking and the extent one must change their personality to fit into the real world mold. guanxi, that's where it's all at.
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