One Month Mark in Barcelona

So I've been in Barcelona at International Space University for about a month now. Every moment I've been here makes me feel like I'm always running out of time to do everything I want. This program pushes you to feel exhausted, yet you achieve so much out of it. The logistics aren't well coordinated and the director is a bit of a micromanager, to say the least. However, the people in the program and the lecturers make it worth my time for sure. I feel like...my knowledge of the space world and possible future endevours only continue to open up rather than be hindered. I love observing the group dynamics of everyone...so many people extremely unique that if I was not in this program, I would not have met them. Doctors, rocket scientists, engineers, all together to learn about space.

I've had a pretty up and down month. Overall most of it was up because this program keeps me so busy with just studying and partying, but my rough patch was when my roommate in DC decided to kick me out of my room in order to have her friend stay there....with ALL my furniture, clothes, etc there, waiting for my return in September. Since it was a verbal agreement with facebook contexts that proved that I would have a spot in Sept, she basically went against her word with "unfortunately circumstances change." True, but even a heads up before I left the country would've been nice...I hate when people act shady and all behind the back, it's like people don't have the guts to tell things to your face nowadays.

Well, after sulking for an hour and then trying to look for housing and becoming overwhelmed and getting depressed about it, I finally found a fantastic place downtown. I've been really fortunate to find it in an area I want to be living in and it is close enough for school. It is great to know when friends step up to help and my previous roommate (not the one that kicked me out) went to check out the place on my behalf. What I learned from this experience was that what really hurt was actually the fact I owned furniture and I had called that place my home. And the fact that I thought my roommate was pretty cool but apparently sometimes strangers are more trustworthy than the people closer to you. Then I wonder how Karma effects us in situations like this...though this was a whirlwind to deal with abroad, I feel like the results came out pretty good.

Anyways, above is a pic of the human tower event in Barcelona...well our version of it before the real castellers came into the show. :) I've been very lucky making great friends this summer.

My time in Porto

OMG, Portugal is amazing. Ok, that was not meant to make anyone jealous, but omg Portugal!! My portugese sucks (nonexistent), the landscape is soooo hilly and it was a pain getting to where I was staying, not to mention totally lost, and somehow I am speaking french in Portugal??!!! I feel like I am in some Disney dreamland for some reason when I walk relaxed on the streets thinking of singing Under the Sea with all the seagulls and looking from this French girls apartment (was first hospital of Porto) that has an amazing view of Se Cathedral at night and thinking of Aladdin (yes I know none of those films were based from Portugal). Couch surfing has been an amazing experience. I am staying at this girls place named Stefanie, who is Austrian. Her place has this amazing view of the river (duoro). She had another couchsurfer stay there, Liza, and she is a crazy hitchhiking circus troupe street performer. She hitchiked from Poland all the way to Spain and did trapeze before the string broke and she hurt her spine. Today she went out to the streets as one of those statutes and it was really cool to watch her perform. Too bad the streets of Porto were not used to street performers since she didnt earn much.Today I think there will be another couchsurfer coming...he is an independent film maker from LA and works for MTV/HBO etc. I learned sooo much just being around these people!!So I am doing well, and I was a little sad passing by the Rua de St. Katerine because of all the Zara shops and I sooo want to shop since the prices looked reasonable (compared to London of course and it is Portugal is home of Zara I think). as much as I loved London and Netherlands visiting friends, this really is amazing seeing the hospitality of strangers!

In London May 27-June 3

Currently at a local cafe/bar near my friend Patrick's apartment in Maida Vale called IdleWild. It's really nice and relaxing here, especially for a Sunday evening and bumming around all day. Fraser Anderson was here to play some nice live music- though I've never heard of him before, his music was great :)

There's this nice little party area near London City called Bricklane, where I went to Cafe 1001 off of Bricklane. There are a ton of Indian restaurants and more of an artsy scene...definitely far from the posh London scenes...which costs a fortune to go into anyways.

June 1 is the law on the London Underground, where you cannot drink (alcohol) on the tube anymore. So there was a crazy party full of police later on to keep the place under control. Some pics posted below. London is a place full of alcoholics. But which places (I suppose the muslim countries) aren't?

Two Things: I'm not sure if lately I've been thinking life is a joke or people are too gullible, but apparently people believe every word others write online...especially facebook. I can only imagine its future leading quite similarly to myspace.

Second thing: As I plan this trip for the summer, I am already contemplating whether or not to be in Thailand or Argentina for the winter. Both sound quite enticing, especially the cheap massages or delectable steaks...Am I never satisified with my trips?? all my friends do literally wonder where I am in the world. Unfortunately, there is not enough of me to go around. It would be amazing to visit Thailand and Malaysia for 2 weeks each or something. Yeah and people do usually wonder where I come up with all this money to afford all these trips...I'll have a price to pay in the long run (aka after graduating from grad school). But before then, I'm going to make the most out of it all.

This summer will be amazing. I don't know how amazing, but truly amazing. I have a lot of things to do before then, so after my nap, I'll get a good portion of it done I hope. Now to imagine, if I got that Rangel Fellowship, though I would've gotten my grad school paid for, I would've spent this summer in DC. As much as I want to be a diplomat, I'm not ready yet.

inspirations

Looking back to some of the design blogs I frequent, I get this renewed sense of discovery and inspiration. The colors really come through with brightening my day, after a full day of being inside a government building. I really admire those people, its not like you can really buy it off of urban outfitters or anthropologie, it really has a sense of uniqueness and creativity that most shoppers lack. Ok, so I do like random stuff at those stores, but I'm saying there are just some people who just buy anything off the rack and think its good and has that "down to earth" style. Perhaps I'm just really easily bored and always trying to find new means to discover myself and be creative...

Which is where it got me to consider couchsurfing this summer. What better way than to save money while traveling, meet the locals, and have fun?? It really took me a long time to mull over this option, as I may be crazy, but I actually do consider my safety despite what people think (yes yes, i sometimes don't look both ways while crossing the street and have hitchhiked before...). It is interesting to have people welcome you into their own homes, traveling strangers, to sleep on that extra couch or bed. I considered hosting my couch, but I do have roommates and I would need to consult them before I decide to invite anyone. I think I'll give it a try in Portugal. Find some couches to surf on and see what its like to learn more about the Portugese culture besides what people in Lonely Planet write. I want to have a renewed sense of life, something that DC sorta kills.



I've been eating well (had steak with a side of sauteed asparagus, mushrooms, onions, and scallops! Who needs to eat out when such a great meal can be made for less than $10??), though I should be going to yoga more often (as in, in half an hour but I'm too exhausted to make the trek. excuses excuses, I know). I think I should start taking photos of the meals I cook again...things look really tasty on a big white dish for some reason.

As for yoga, I think I'll do the 10 day trial one that's closer to where I live starting after April 28, when my big assignment is finished. I love how they have $10 for 10 day trials.

I still have 19 more pages to write out of my 50 pager. I intend to write another 7-10 hopefully tonight before I go to sleep. It helps me to write out my goals so I can visualize it and make it more concrete. Now if I can start a new hobby of digitial scrapbooking....hmmmm (and looking at the cloth I claimed to make gaucho pants into..)

Ready to Graduate

I guess I had senioritis since September. Then I got back on track and passed my classes to the best of my abilities, only to realize that I'd graduate in May instead of December. Now, with one more month, I've got 1 50-60pg paper to write GPS navigation technologies, 1 7-10pg paper on gender equality with a comparison of US and Canada, and an 8-10pg white paper on how to approach space security in the future. Fun...all due by the end of April.

Plus right now I've caught a cold that has impaired my head (as it already hasn't been impaired enough??) and wisdom teething--so each time they want to pop out a bit about once a month, I get caught with fevers. Tylenol really isn't doing its trick somehow. Sleeping didn't really help, as my eyes still hurt.

I'm just ready to graduate. I need this summer to be away from DC. Looking back on my college experience, it was fun. I've learned a lot, grew up some more, and in hindsight, could've made better friends during freshman year. I guess life takes us to weird places where I'd never imagine myself knowing great people from a tiny kingdom in the Middle East, changing myself to be more conscious of doing good things after becoming good friends with someone in my program in China, and continue to still have an amazing relationship with my best friends halfway across the world after not seeing them for 3-4 years at a time.

So this summer I'll be going to London to visit my best friend (and I suppose my 2 cousins as well), then off to the Netherlands to another friend. From that point on, I'll be backpacking (bussing) down from the Netherlands to Portugal, where I think my two main stops will be Lisbon and Sintra, then head through Seville, and on a boat to travel to Fez, Casablanca (perhaps), and Marrakech. I'm excited for Marrakech. Yes, while most people spend their money on buying designer bags that everyone owns (sorry but Coach, Louis Vuitton, and Gucci are wayyy over-rated, especially when you can get the same for double digits in China, or Chinatown. And I don't see the fad in Juicy Couture except for a few necklaces. I'm not a fan of velvet and random bling though I do like their punk look. but Vivienne Westwood tops that)--I have a travel addiction where I need to pop out of the country at least once a year. You would've imagined that I've accumulated a bunch of travel points by now, but I really do wonder why I have 5 different travel memberships and the next flight I'm taking is through Air India.

So after all that, I'll try to find my way from Morocco up to Barcelona, where I will be settled in for 2 months doing intensive Space Studies....yep. space. That's still my niche. I'm excited about how I'm transitioning quite well into the grad program, and hopefully in two years time, the recession will ease up a little and I can find a decent job. I've never imagined finding a job to be difficult, but apparently my classmate is having some difficulty in the field. All I want is doing a job that I enjoy, and to be of positive use in the world.

My observations on the word "hate"

As I've been discussing hate as well as my stephist philosophy to people while reflecting back on my recent conversations, no matter what people think I am or feel, hate is a strong word that I try not to use. For it is also a strong feeling that takes a lot of energy to hold within oneself. Love and hate are two strong emotions of two opposite ends of a spectrum that I tend not to go towards.

Then there's Stephism: a calculation that evaluates to what extent something is wanted, and how i can get there and how much energy is needed. If it wastes too much time and energy for a shitty outcome, then its not worth the time and trouble.

Therefore, if we put this into the stephism equation, hate is not anywhere i need to get to, and it takes up way too much energy. Thus, it wastes too much time and trouble to hate. Then again, I often take on the alternate feeling of indifference. If it is not something worth my time and trouble, then I have no need to care about it. People should try it sometime, it wastes less energy and when you do something, it gives better personal fulfillment.

I mean what I say and uphold my word. Therefore if I reject something or a plan, it is because I know I will not be able to make it. Flakyness isn't my style (or is being lazy quite exactly), though it seems that lately everyone around me seems to be going through a "being lost" phase. I have just learned a great deal lately about friendships and what is meant to last and what isn't. In my observance, hate isn't included in the vocabulary, and people should not be hated unless they really purposefully make someone elses life miserable. That also takes up so much energy.

Human Behaviour- Friendships are not for sale

So yeah, I decided I'll spell behavior as behaviour for now. Busy juggling my internship, schoolwork, and having a life, I realized once again how friends are either there for you or not. How shallow some friendships have been and the mere disappearance you are simply replaced. As someone who often talks to random strangers while waiting for the metro or bus or in a coffeeshop, I rather thought of myself as an inclusive person. Unfortunately, that may not be the case with some people I associated myself with.

As everyone needs a breather from intensely hanging out with a group of friends (or just one), I became busy being immersed in my 9-5 job at NASA, as the big meeting I was working on was coming up quickly. Exhausted, I'd head home and arrive at 6, make myself a meal, shower, and lo and behold, it was already midnight after going online for a little bit. Then Mondays and Fridays I try to make up for that life by eating out with my friends or simply constrained to doing schoolwork. Occaisionally I would hang out with that group, but as they are gaming night owls, they fail to understand that I have a midnight curfew and I would end up being stuck in a situation where I could not go home unless someone dropped me back.

Suddenly, I come back into this situation where one day, it became as clear that they have formed a 2 person world in this group, separating both myself and this other girl's friend. Along with the whispers and inside sex jokes, we would be eliminated in a conversation, at an apartment, and quickly waved off with "we'll tell you when you're older." As she tells her Cali friend loudly "You can't speak Spanish!!" --while Cali girl took the language for 3 years and may not be rolling out her "r's" like a cuban from Miami. Excuse me? By the way, that girl is a freshman. So as I do put up with some freshman antics who think they are much smarter than they actually are, things just get a turn for the worse and I am quite insulted, to say the least. Sex jokes or not, as I do not need to disclose sexual activities to the world, I believe I often treat people with the same amount of adult respect whether they are older or younger than me. I have never told someone "i'll tell you when you're older," as everyone should learn at one point of their lives, and if they ask, one should tell. As the girl did become my replacement in that friendship, I did not mind as that friend of mine cannot even go to the grocery store alone without dragging an entourage with him. I needed the breathing room and she filled the shoes and perhaps more.

Perhaps my friend needed some TLC, and that girl with the position with her cuban latina ways and talks 50words/sec, but by no means does that mean ignoring 2 other people in your apartment. Perhaps he has fallen for her in his depth of loneliness, despite the fact she has a bf back in Miami (which she brags about a bit too much.) Perhaps they each are in their own little world of self absorbance that they fail to open up to others, however she indulges in his request for some TLC and he responds with material goods which I never fell into because I'm really not that materialistic in the first place. As for her friend, who has quickly become a friend of mine as we are both sitting on the couch ignored from the other conversation, as made me realize- perhaps she is simply using him and getting these goods, which is somewhat wrong because she has a bf back home though the bf seems to be ok with this threesome.

All in All, my friend shall leave in May to who knows what part of the world. He will be hiding behind his computer trying to chat with his friends online, unable to strike up potential friendships - not because he does not have an outgoing personality- just his reliance on other people's friends. Those two freshman girls signed up to be roommates next semester, and of course there is that question that lingers with her anger- do I really want to room with her if she treats me like shit? Luckily it is not my problem to deal with, though I have to be part of the complaint group.

For a group of two that makes me feel like I've wasted my time and made me feel angry and miserable about the situation, I think it's about times to end this chapter. I know that friendship survives even when we're in different countries, and they are there to rely on. Don't bug me about whether I'll miss you or if we'll keep in touch like its some guilt trip. I wonder if such a friendship was mendable, as my friend's cousin (we got along quickly when he came to visit him for a month) suggested- take a long time off and focus in other areas. It's a pity for a friendship that appeared quite strong to simply die off like that. Even telling him half of what I wrote apparently didn't go through his skull, most likely of his infatuation for attention.

Unfortunately for him, friendships are a give and recieve process of actually caring about your friend and what they are going through. Not- oh another story about me and what I did today. Until that day he may one day realize the friends he has lost along the way and actually realize he was in the wrong, I don't care about getting stupid william-sonoma aprons, your expensive cars, or Godiva/Lindt chocolates. It's the thought in a friendship that counts. There are some things you can't buy, and that's me.

Almost done

So the past 2 1/2 months I've been working on this personal statement of mine and it seems that I am just about done. I've submitted my application Rangel Program already, and the final one that's due on February 4 is for the Pickering Fellowship. Chances are quite slim, but we'll see where it gets me.

It seems like this past week I've spent most of my time, waiting...in lines. Whether it be 1 1/2hr wait just to get Founder's Day Ball tickets at the Italian Embassy, or seeing Barack Obama speak at my school (luckily I cut and waited with some asian friends of mine who was in line 1/2hr earlier than me and the line was unbelievable), it seems like I am waiting. I seriously now have one class a week, yet my days go by quickly. I think half of that time also went towards my latest addiction, sudoku on nintendo DS.

Oddly enough, February 4 is also the deadline for internship applications. I'm still waiting for that darn State Dept security clearance, but in the meantime, I've got a hefty internship at the Office of External Relations at NASA. Sometimes luck requires knowing people, and that is how DC works. Sitting next to someone who works at NASA that has a nice enough position that is also impressed with my resume and can find some use for me. We'll see how the internship goes- if it goes well in the end, and I also am detailed to do some projects at the State Dept, I'll have a beautiful resume by the end of the semester and my career is pretty set. Perhaps like a friend insultingly told me "for such a godless person, you sure are lucky." I'm not lucky enough to wake up one day and figure out how to have world peace though.

Since my friend's cousin has been in town for the past few weeks, most of my time has been spent hanging around a crazy Arab that studies in Australia. He's has a happy go lucky personality, yet somehow strongly tied to his religion and family, yet quite easy to approach. Well he also requires a lot of attention. No matter how I look at the 3 cousins, all 3 are drastically different.

Anyways, it's only Wednesday...

Happy New Year!

As this new year started, I can already look forward to a better year! Honestly, as much as 2007 was nice, it was definitely intensive. Looking back, I learned a lot about myself and the world through harsh experiences and personal psychological growth. Would that be called self improvement? But in between it all, I realized I forgot a lot about myself and my past. The other day, I finally picked off all the piled junk around my piano to finally play some songs. Something that I haven't done in years, literally. It was a great feeling to be able to play the songs I once enjoyed (mainly anime songs haha and Anastasia).

It was also a great feeling to know how to exactly answer the question: What's my biggest dream? My biggest dream is to continue on with my studies in international relations and space policy in order to one day enter into a career where I can play the role of a diplomat/ambassador for the United States that works on ways to further international space cooperation between countries.

As this has once been my dream, it has never gone so far as to finally take a shape where I can understand it as clearly as I do now. Just the past 2 years, I've been asking professors where I can assume such a role, with no real answers or direction. But finally, I have found the group of people that know this area best, and I can only continue to work hard to pursue my dream. The stars have seriously aligned together where I can walk on these rocks to cross the river towards my goal. In the past I've been always shy to ask such questions as people seriously don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm looking forward to it, since I am confident this will continue be a very important subject in the future.

There's this new wave of energy that I can feel revived in my vision. Lately when I look up in the sky, I'm so happy to just see the bright stars (and satellites) up there. Just seeing them makes me smile. Haha I'm just easily amused.

Since I have all this energy, I decided that perhaps my new years resolution is to exercise! I hope I'll be able to work hard and continue to pursue my dreams! Yay! I hope I get to go to Italy and hop around Europe this summer!

Refreshed

As I've learned from one of my best friends, Pat, there's nothing better than sitting down at a cafe and working on your writings. Well for me, it was editing some of my essays and concentrating on draft #4 of my Pickering. Ideally, I would love to type up things on my laptop but the B&N didn't design their cafe area well and there are no outlets for my battery shot laptop. I can only dream of a new portable laptop until I can afford a new one. Ideally before this summer.

Perhaps I've gotten my hopes up going to Italy for my grad school summer program but it isn't difficult to dream of warmer locations being in the northeast. However, I haven't gotten my hopes up to the point that I already bought a Naples & Caprii guide, I decided I'd buy one after getting the official word whether I've been accepted or not. After browsing the lovely guides in the travel section, my mind was already seeing blue skies and feeling the warm sea while taking pictures of all the artifacts left behind from Pompeii. It was better than anything right now in New Jersey. And speaking of suburbia, land of overweight and mediocrity in educational standards, I reenter the world of community gossip.

Being that I've been living in DC for the past several-ish years, I've learned the art of observing human nature. In the capital of politics, amidst all the alcohol and schmoozing, you tend to see how well to read people, and the ironic part, how people read others. By the time I end up home for the holidays, I have perfected my smile with beer or plum wine in hand, and answer all the blatantly fake questions/concerns people throw at me to make conversation and enhance their network of gossip.

It's really sad, the circle of asian family friends parents that have amounted from my childhood only look at me as a comparison to their children's goals and my value of prestige in competition to their childrens'. After they have weighed and valued my worth with pointless questions and "concerns" of my future graduate education, they finally drop their interest in me, either finding my unwavering answers to be of bore or incomprehensible, they go back to their faux party of food. It's a little bit of a pity, these family friends I grew up with, though they walked the path they do now, had once been questioned for their career choice (of course unless they wanted to be doctors of lawyers). I was amongst those ostracized because who in the world let's their kid study abroad in Japan??? Who lets their daughter backpack Europe?? Ah yes, then they hushed their criticisms after realizing its resume benefits of having an international career as opposed to being booksmart. And the other realizing I won't privy any gossip.

Then there are some genuine people who do invite me to places because they enjoy my company and not the need to delve into other people's unfortunate events. It's really interesting to differentiate these types of people from the purposeful gossipers through mere observances. What's also amusing is seeing how people understand each other and perceive what the other is thinking of the other. Especially the psychology majors who make it even more dramatic than it is. Haha, aawwwkkwarrrdd.

It's interesting to observe this community of people, the kids that I grew up with, and the different paths we've paved for ourselves. Then to study their roots, the psychological parenting behind these achievements or hindrances. The high and low context cultures of these communities are fascinating to call as a study, which I wonder how eerily they would perceive and despise me if I told them they were mere observances of social interaction and my findings.

I Think I Lost My Best Friend To Religion

Sorta studying for my finals, but I've had a lot on my mind besides schoolwork. Most of it is quite random, but one thing that bothers me most is the fact that one of my best friends is slipping away from me. I supported her when she said she's become a christian- she came out of the closet like a gay guy, only that its for religion, and now she's been baptized, which I also supported and would of also gone if not for my 2 finals. I thought religion was a means to escape the cruelties of her parent's divorce, which happened right during the time she happened to go to college. She was happy, and as any friend should be, be happy that her friend is happy.

What I did not support was the fact that she has believed she could not tell me things because she felt I did not understand. Ok, it's fine if you like a guy who has the same Christian values as yourself, but the fact I cannot understand perhaps hindered you from originally sharing it with me? Okay, I'm an athiest, and I have plenty of other friends with religion around me. Muslims, Buddhists, Catholics, devout Christians...They have not put religious pressures on me and have respected my atheism. I in turn, respected them and take them for who they are.

Then comes Thanksgiving where we don't meet up due to scheduling conflicts. Even before then, I'd call and our usually Friday chats were suddenly curbed due to busy schedules, and she doesn't call back or let me know of the date she was going back home? What ever happened to that sleepover the first night we got back? Never happened because she fell asleep and had to unpack her room. No meeting on Thanksgiving, ok. Friday the meeting was cancelled even though I was busy and would have come back from NYC at night to meet up with her. Then to add insult to injury, she suggested we met up on Sunday morning, in the time slot right before church, and it may have been a misinterpretation/miscommunication, but before that I thought she suggested that we head to church together to meet up. Uhm...no. Well it was fine anyways, since it turned out her time slot before church also became filled and I had to be back in DC that day.

I've probably lost friendships due to religion, but this is the worst thing possible to feel that I lost one of my childhood best friends due to religion. And I know to her it was unintentional. It hurts to feel Church > Me. I don't have qualms over the basics of spiritualism and being a good samaritan. I can be slightly bitter about the church and saying it's actually evil and has brought my best friend to a land of no return but that is middle school behavior. Spiritualism is a means to help the stress through life and that is why I see people leaning on it as a pillar of support. Religion didn't work for me, and its not like I haven't tried. What makes me bitter the most is the fact there are people that can change their network of friends so much due to the influence of the circle of religious friends. Brainwashing perhaps? I don't know. Perhaps the fact some people do not have the ability to separate the Church and friends, as the same way as the Church and State.

I study international relations and this comes with human behavior, communications, and diplomacy. I know I can go back in there and still salvage my friendship. But would I want to when I know my best friend was willing to make more time for Church which is always there, especially on Sundays, than to meet up with her best friend of 13 years that she hasn't seen for 3 months? I'm not sure, as I am tired of putting most of the effort into the friendship.

Free Writing

Hehe, it's been about a month since I wrote in here. I've been insanely busy just figuring out where life takes me, I can't believe it was only a month so far. Though I have 2 finals coming up, things are a little more relaxed, though I always say I'm busy with schoolwork. I'm so used to using that as an excuse that I probably stress myself out with it and people think I'm just a workaholic.

As I've been writing up my essay for the Pickering fellowship, I need to tie in my future interests in space policy for grad school with public diplomacy at the foreign service. Honestly, I really don't know how to explain this weird interest of mine that probably came from watching too many cartoons, especially Gundam Wing. So my career advisor told me to free write a bit to see where it goes...no one would want to fund 2 years of grad school and support her career just because of some cartoons. But I am just a silly girl, it's weird how serious and mature people think I am when most meet me, but I'm just a simpleton once they get to know me. Hehe I'm totally weird.

But anyways, on the topic of how I got interested in space...I must have received astronomy books when I was younger...gone to the kennedy space center when I was down in florida and taken pictures with men in space suits. Half that trip I can remember was quite boring...I was not truly interested in getting people into space, but looking up and seeing the stars always made me wonder if my wishing on the first star i saw that night would come true. Even today I sometimes look at the stars and make a wish. Thinking back to my childhood, we always learned about the planetary system (of course plus pluto), and the different colors of the planets fascinated me. Somehow I still remember my 5th grade teacher talking about how there was a teacher that was an astronaut. I thought that teacher was someone local, with the way she worded it. It was only years..a decade later, I come to find that it was simply a normal teacher...and she died on the Challenger accident. 1986...

I have always been a fan of science, but ironically not math. If I had to say the two favorite places to learn about were the sea and the sky...the land was merely dirt where we lived and died. Perhaps I was always drawn to the unknown. President's vision for exploration a journey...of the unknown..we are all explorers.

Courage and Creativity

Being holed up writing papers on space security and international cooperation sometimes just really drains the creativity out of you. There are so many things to consider in the realm of cooperation, and the small details and thoughts of different side that makes the policy what it is today. Luckily my friend Jenny sent me the link to www.flip.com, and to the Vivienne Westwood flipbook. I'll open it up later since my flash player has issues. But just being on that site sort of revitalized my mind with new fresh thoughts, even the entire artsyness of it since I can't really get that aspect in my field of International Relations, especially the dense field of space policy. I have so many loves that it is hard to choose which one is the best, but I decided in the end space policy was the way to be. I'll just dabble in international exchange programming, arts & crafts, cooking, yoga, and sewing my gaucho pants on the side.

On the other area of courage, I have been thinking carefully about my courses, especially the ones at a lower level, yet the professors grade quite difficultly. Talking to some other students and analyzing the reason why there was something missing from the class, I finally figured out a good amount of it and thought it would be good to talk to the professor. Every week there are blank stares in the room that are sort of disheartening, and when people present their chapters each week, they tend to say it is difficult. Cross cultural communications should be fun and a way for international service students to be excited in their future careers. So during office hours and after finally figuring out what was the missing component in the class, I went to him and told him what I saw from my point of view with constructive criticism and explanations to back up my POV. It appeared on ratemyprofessors.com that he was quite a hard professor and a little stubborn, so I took that into account before walking into his office.

Appraisal works wonders as I cannot deny he is a wealth of knowledge, but fails to connect his use of theories in such a way students can fully comprehend, leaving a loss faces and now some to the point of no return. He then comments how it was only in our class that no one ever goes to his office hours and prides himself a little how his honors class students, Masters, and PhD students all line up at his door, eagar to learn. In that area, he was quite pissed no one went to office hours. As it was a cross cultural communication POV, I told him how its also a different way of learning and sometimes not to dumb ourselves, but some don't know how to approach professors, especially the younger ones, and the ones with less eager experiences by the way they were taught in high school. Though he refused to "babysit" or "dumbing down the course" and believed a cross cultural communication course is not about feelings and talking about emotions and getting easy A's as other professors do in this area, I told him how students cannot truly connect to the theories though he hands up those tools unless he helps make those connections and slowly bring the students up to that level of connection. Luckily he took my words quite seriously and tried to fix a little bit in the beginning of class. It is difficult to make complete changes in his course structure after having only 4 more classes left, but he did try. There was a level of pride and spite when he allowed us to fix up our papers for a better grade, as he hasn't done it ever in those 22 years of teaching. Nonetheless, it was good to see a bit of change and I could see there was a certain bit of conflict within himself by my words.

Sometimes I wonder why people are too shy to stand up for their thoughts, but half of it is also a power struggle between teacher and student. Where teacher looks down upon the student, and the student has difficulty working with the teacher as an almost equal. Sometimes those lines are meant to be there, and sometimes this line should be erased. Of course, I am shy too when it comes to my graduate level classes, where I think I really don't know much about the area and let my professor feed me the information. But in time, we will be all be adults and respected equally.

Oops, my first Made In China product- So it lasted for 2 months

So, I ordered a Honeywell Humidifier off of Amazon.com about two days ago, and it arrived today. After my coughing I got in China (that never seemed to go away unless I leave the country), I have been a little cautious about my lungs. I'm sure ten years of my life got cut off just from being there for half a year. So I thought its cause of the dry air, especially since its getting to be winter now. I happily opened my new toy, and started looking at the label- lo and behold, it was indeed Made in China. While even my Lg Chocolate phone was made in Korea, I made the mistake of assuming the humidifer may be been made in Vietnam or somewhere else. I basically lived without China for about 2 months, then it got caught up with me. Ah well, it was good while it lasted. But I'll still just going to try not to buy anything made in China just for safety concerns. Sorta like ending up at Wholefoods, ya know?

Labels

Label: Aliens attacking from Space
So about a month ago I was walking around the Career Fair at my uni to get a sense of what type of jobs I can do with my potential MA degree specializing in space policy. Of course there's NASA, but was just curious what else was out there, perhaps like the Dept of Defense.

Walks up to the Defense Auditing booth and talks to lady:
Me: Hi, I'm not sure if you have any sectors in my area of study, but I'm going into Space Policy.
Woman: Well we do defense auditing contractors for the government and do auditing things. Maybe you should try Homeland Security 2 booths down, maybe they've got something on protecting the US against aliens...
Me:...My field of space policy actually deals with international cooperation between other countries under the field of international relations...

I gave the woman this look of "I cannot believe you actually think I deal with aliens". In a sense, it was hilarious. But even I don't really believe in aliens. More like I don't really care. Nor am I really keen on going to space. There's lunar dust on the moon. I've never watched Star Trek, and fell asleep watching the first few Star Wars movies. I can't believe she actually used the word aliens on me. Guess there ain't much going on in the mathematical world of defense auditing. We definitely are at a risk of mediocrity in the nation if people think there are aliens attacking Earth. I'm sure they have more important things to do, as wars are fought over who has the bigger d*** (Reference from M. Butterfly) and well, oil.

Another Label: Vegetarians
Conversation with a classmate: Julia is a vegetarian too.
Classmate: SHE IS NOT A VEGETARIAN. She can pick off the beef from the dish and eat the vegetables.
Apparently even in toxic China, Vegetarians still have a snobbish way of selecting who is in the exclusive group.
Vegetarians: People who do consume any type of animal essence with their meal for the sake of animal rights. Which can include broth, or apparently just touching it. Apparently personal health doesn't exactly factor into the equation. I'm sure they aren't part of the Darwin's Survival of the fittest, as if all they had was meat to survive, and they'd try to consume some, they would end up dead because their body doesn't produce certain enzymes to break down the meat. Oh well, one more group of ideological weirdos off the planet.

Au Contraire
Friend 3: So I ordered a futomaki that other time and this woman next to me was asking me if it was sushi. So I said yes, and she asked me how I could eat it since it was so big. She kept staring and all I wanted to do was eat my futomaki in peace.
Friend1's order of tuna sashimi arrives
Friend 2: Is that raw?
Friend 1: yeah
Friend 2: It (tuna) looks disgusting
Friend 3: Isn't it dangerous to eat fish raw?
Friend 1: no, not if you clean it certain ways.
Friend 3: but it's still unhealthy to eat raw fish.
Me: Well fish has omega 3 fatty acids so its better than not eating fish at all (Friend 2&3 don't like seafood)
Friend 3: So we should all be chomping on fish like birds now?
Me: How's the futomaki?

One thing I've noticed while dining with people are their certain dietary restrictions. Some are part of their religion, some from allergies, some from the lack of knowledge (mainly being raised in a typical American household that limits their diet to burgers and pizzas), and some out of random distaste for texture. What I cannot tolerate is when others not only refuse to try new food, but also insult it while you're eating. It's like gee, thanks. At least I only do that to friends who try to buy pineapple on a stick in China (noting all the flies around it), or hotdog on a stick at the Great Wall ("It's rather pink" and "I'm not going to bring you to a hospital if you get a heart attack from eating that"), and mayonnaise. But just don't go on insulting someone else's food when you just find it disgusting. I wonder how they'd survive a suburban Chinese village. Sometimes, General Tsao's Chicken and/or Orange Chicken may not be on every Chinese menu.

Have you heard? It's fall!

Okay, so after rewatching Anastasia the other day I've gotten the music stuck in my head again. It's amazing how I remember the lyrics to all the songs in the movie even though I haven't watched it for years. I think it was probably around 1997...cause the Winter Olympics happened in '98 in Nagano and that's when Tara Lipinski used the song, Once Upon A December, which I called dibs and swore was going to be my competition (olympic) song (not that I would've gotten that far but I still called dibs) and was completely shocked when I saw her skate to it in her long program, won gold over Michelle Kwan using my song, and have loathed her ever since. Then there were mere copy cats of skaters using that song for their program and so it just lost its luster.

But anyways, FALL!!!!! As my friends saw, I actually dressed up in my cute lil black boots, jeans, t-shirt, and this nice dark green jacket with an orange scarf and a hat to symbolize the changing of fall. Maybe not symbolize, but that was the extent to my excitement about the change in seasons. Fall was always one of my favorite seasons, even though my birthday is in the spring, so they've both been happily celebrated by me haha. I'm such a child sometimes for being so easily affected by the weather, but when its sunny and cool out, and there's this smell of burning wood in the air, there's this excitement within thinking things are not the same.

Fall is the time of change, rather than sense that it is something dying and old, I always felt it was a start of something new. School always started in the fall, and so that's always a fresh way to start.

I was in China last fall, where by this time, I made some great friends, especially one that meant as much to me as two of my best friends that I met in Japan.

2002 Japan...By this time of the month, I celebrated the o-mochitsuki, watching the moon festival and won 2 bottles of wine at a lottery/bingo game dinner with my host family. I met the Rotary group out in Marina City in Wakayama...where 2 of the exchangers soon became my best friends.

I recall this time me, my soon to be 2 best friends, and this other soon to be good Danish friend of ours were asked to join this group of kids going out camping in the traditional Japanese camps out in Sennan city, where they had a soft-opening. We had korean pancake, and sat in one of the empty huts drinking out of a small mixture of gin and oj, ate oreos, and saw some shooting stars. The mountains were beautiful and serene, and later on we went inside to only drink some more beer hanging out with this American guy talking about his life in Japan, and my friend kept on having to pee like crazy. Luckily the bathrooms were quite clean unlike China :)

Later on the next day, we went to watch the movie Signs (omg I can't believe I paid twice to watch that movie), hung out in Sakai after getting some drinks at the convenience store, and I went home late with my friend since she was sleeping over while my host mom worried like crazy and asked me to not watch movies at night anymore.

Next fall, where will I be?? Here I am, in the nation's capital, in my final months of undergraduate schooling. It's been a few weeks since I've felt so worry free the more I have to do. But you know what? It's fall :)

My Next Trip

So lately a friend of mine brought up this idea to do a trip after we all graduate. Of course I'd definitely be in...somehow lol. It would probably be a eurotrip, only this time I want to try and explore the other cities I haven't gotten to yet. Ideally, I'd love it to be this:

Spain

Portugal

Morrocco

Southern France

Paris

London

Wales

and Perhaps Ireland.

Thing is, I'd be happy just doing the first 3, but probably would have to compromise if I am going in a group...especially when my Arab friend though that people in Portugal and Morrocco hate Arabs...lol. Ironically his cousin claimed we'd be spending some time living it up at the guest palace with his connections. I just want to see Morrocco and it would be amazing either way. Southern France...well Nice is always nice (haha that always makes me laugh a bit no matter how stupid it is), Avignon seemed cool via the window, and perhaps even Monaco. It seems like a cool way to finish off another chapter of my life, and begin a new one. Especially when there will be so many changes out there...

I've always said to myself when I do go visit London and Paris, I'd definitely give it the proper amount of time to actually see it. Ideally, if I ever get the chance, I'd love to do the Balkans again and Turkey.

Now...to find the funds to do the trip haha :x Who knew I'd be back in Europe so fast? My only goal was to do another trip there before 26!

haha silly me

So, my good friend asked over dinner tonight whether or not I was happy. Well, I haven't really considered that since I have been stressing out about graduating, writing papers, etc...and in a way life is going in the path that I wish to take it, plus its ups and downs. So it got narrowed down to whether I was content or if I was actually happy, and I have to say I am quite content. Though, according to an Australian friend I met in Lithuania - who ran the youth hostel and was once head of one of the most prestigious hotelier schools in the world- he said to be very careful when he said he was satisfied with life- 6 months, his entire life went crumbling down.

And here is my friend, who asked me this question because he questioned it himself. Someone who was in an econ major, and I thought enjoyed what he did, suddenly question whether or not he wanted to be in that area. Someone who had a life back home waiting for him, and probably some sort of job worth six figures, but procrastinating on what's to come. I guess we are at the point where we start having our doubts.

I glanced back at some of the photos taken in China. There was one around friends that I looked especially happy in...and it was deeply ingrained into my memory. That night wasn't exactly unique, but somehow when I look at that photo, the smile on it doesn't seem to fade. Since then, I've had many happy memories where I have had the chance to go to Venezuela and meet up with one of my best friends, and go travel around and meet new people. However, I always go back to that photo, that night when those pictures were taken, and I distinctly remember it. There was just something that night, perhaps it was just me, where I remember it all.

If I compared my life to that single picture, then at this very moment typing this, I wouldn't be able to compare my amount of happiness to that very picture. However, life has been taking me on the road I want to head towards...my studies...my future...my career. So I cannot say that life is lacking, as I do have friends still around me...though a good portion of them are halfway around the world. But like I learned more than 4 years ago was that if you knock, the door of opportunities await, you just need to ask. And in this area, I have been a bit shy of knocking. But each time I have, I have never been awaited with a bad surprise...only happy ones that have helped me in life.

I would show this picture to you, but there is something so simple and happy about it that I just want to save that smile for myself. And maybe for a few others who have been there to enjoy it with me, I wonder if they saw that smile of mine that shined?

Career Committment

Since this semester started, and I have come to conclude this would be my last term of undergraduate studies, I have been looking for venues to use my interests and experiences to fit it into the ideal career. Like every other kid at AU, that is to work for the State Department. Which, in that effect, I am still waiting for my clearance which soon the wait will be over I hope, as my classmate in my GW grad class is helping me expedite. I relearned the value of talking to new people as I somehow became slightly overcome with shyness during the past few months. Grad school is all about networking, and the people in my class are from the military, Dept of Defense, NASA, Japan Space Agency or whatnot, etc. As the class takes a look back into early space history, it was not about the scientific exploration; it was for prestige against the Soviet Union during the Cold War era and for military defense/satellite technology.

So I looked up government jobs in a new light that what I want was international space diplomacy, though would find those means through venues such as the DoD. There was a job posting that basically had my qualifications of my IR major as a foreign policy and security manager at that department, with starting salary of six figures. Whether or not I need six figures is another story, but it was amazing to know that I fit in the description, though I probably lack the paid experience in the field to be hired.

Then when going on to imagine what I would do with a six figure income (of course a good portion deducted after taxes), I would first pay off all my student loans (which I thankfully did not accrue as much as others), give a good portion of it to my parents to pay off some of their mortgages, put in a down payment for my own place, and for my friend's sanity so he wouldn't need to drive me around all the time, a car. The rest I'll give my friend to help me reinvest- I guess those are the pros of having so many economics and finance major friends. I'd then throw a portion of it towards education, especially in study abroad, as that was the major focus of my life that helped me meet the people I know today. People shouldn't be separated by borders.

After looking at all the design sites, I'm ready to decorate my own place into a hip, stylish, practical and homey area, not dominated by typical trends of boring furniture. I just wish I had some more artsy friends in that aspect as most of my friends are going into practical fields, lol, where all the asians (well minus me) are going to med school.

Well, that's my dream world in the pursuit of happiness. Then as my career advisor asked me as we talked about applying for the Pickering Fellowship- if you do the DoD road, is that something you really want to do? Or would you be satisfied in the State Department? The foreign service was the road I aimed for, yet as I look some more, there are many other options. And those roads, once I've got my foot in the door, would be quite interesting to explore. Nonetheless, its a career commitment and by December, life will be different.