Step by Step, Day by Day

I've got to say that despite the chaoticness of life on certain days, I'm doing pretty well. I enjoy running around like some crazy lady, multitasking. Oddly enough, I've fallen 3 times since being in DC in a week and a half. Somehow I slipped/tripped on myself. I do wonder how that happens to me, but I no longer question it and laugh at it like all those who also witness the event. LoL.

I'm still crashing at my friend's apartment, and I actually found a place that is nearby campus to sublet for about 2 months, starting February 23. That's when the girl flies out to Thailand. It's about a good time for me, especially since it's after my internship's national meeting from February 14-17, then along the time with some exams and papers. As long as my friend doesn't get sick of me hanging around it's all good. I'm quite glad I have still a handful of people I know in DC that are willing to give me a helping hand, it means so much to me after learning so much as changed in the past few months. It's like- yeahh, I see some people I know around campus and they sort of just look in shock that I'm back. I suppose a year is long, and I've seen the effects it has had.

Then I just joined this Society for Peace and Conflict Resolution, where they have a one day conference in March, which seems amazingly cool. They will publish a book on young leaders in today's society, and how they are leading the scene working with little funding and many events. So I brought up my case about my proposal to do student exchanges with disadvantaged Chinese (preferably female) students. I have been trying to work on different fundings that won't make the rich students take up all the opportunities.

Sometimes when I talk, I do wonder what comes out of my mouth, if it is coherent and logical. Especially when I speak in my Japanese Political Economy class, where I claimed according to my experience in China, perhaps corruption in a 3rd world country that is attempting to build itself up really isn't a bad idea. I'm awfully silly, and I do sometimes wonder how people keep up with my awkward pace.

Back to Reality

Ever since I moved back to DC, things have picked up pace. There hasn't been a single day this week when I woke up later than 8:15 and gone to bed after midnight. I've been running around since Tuesday, going to classes that I frankly did not know whether I was required for it. I've went to a total of 5 classes, 2 of them I'm not going to be taking this semester. blah. I've decided to take only 4 classes this semester since 3 of them are going to be pretty hard I believe.

Been staying with at my friend's apartment with a biting cat...the cat is cute I just wish it didn't bite. Plus I feel bad for bumming over at his place for quite some time since I wake up so early as well and by the time I get back I'm thoroughly exhausted and just pass out. Hopefully I'm moving to my other friend's apartment so I won't be as much of a bother.

Found potential house as potential roommate already sent in the application to rent the place. I'm still wondering whether it's the place to be...I've got to see the rooms. I just want to be settled, and I've got my hands tied up in all different directions. At least it's near a bus station so I don't need to worry about transportation to my internship.

I'm slowly getting life sorted out...my mind is always running with things to do...thinking of times when I was in another country just going out with friends...I'm not too worried about anything really, but just passive stress that makes it hard for me to go back to sleep if I happen to wake up in the middle of the night...or I hope I don't talk in my sleep thinking I'm awake.

I'm quite possible to graduate a semester early...just something I never imagined since I always thought of myself going for all 4 years. But I might just do so in order to save some money. Never imagined money to be an issue though I absolutely don't have much. Life is throwing me random teases in addition to what I need to get done, where I just take in a deep breath, and though its not a big problem, I've just gotta solve it.

Letter Graveyard

I was browsing around on livejournal, and saw this thing called letter graveyard. It's for people who have written out letters to fully express their feelings towards someone/a situation, but never sent out. I read through a few pages, of course they were always the extreme of emotions of course- love and anger.

Maybe all those letters and the author's stories should end up in a collection labelled "Book you should bang your head on." Quite appealing, ain't it? I think there I would contribute one myself then.

Then I read through a few more letters. Some had comments in them, so I browsed a few of those too. It turned out that others could relate and felt that same letter could've been written by them too. It's sad to know so many people have been cheated on, been the cheater, told some lies; yet there are so many unrequited love letters to balance out the effect and mellow out the tone. So I thought, how different and similar are we all?

Here I am, trying to write my own story. I've always wanted to be different. Yet, amongst the many who study International Relations, a good portion idealistically want to end up working for the government or an NGO. I suppose I am part of that rat race.

Soon, I'll be part of a number of graduating students scurrying off to find a proper job. Honestly, I don't feel I'll have too much difficulty in the employment area with my current resume, so that cuts off another portion of similar stories.

Then the struggle for success, recognition, and the ideal lifestyle that was implanted in most of our American dreaming brains: a pretty house with white picket fences, a spouse, and 2 kids. Green grass, chirping birds, shiny cars, and uhhhh, hello? Welcome to divorceville, population: more than half this country.

Seriously, this struggle is faced especially in career women; we're not like those dreamy Japanese housewives where once they are either married or have a kid, they would say at the office, "Thaaaatt's it folks! I'm outttaaa here!" No, I have goals to improve this world, and to face the decision of balancing a family or career, well the latter comes first. So that decision hacks off another good portion of the rat race.

I don't know why, but I love trying to be different from everyone else. I am not sure if that is because there is something I want to prove. However, I always like to do something a little different. And even all my friends are the same, yet constrastingly different from myself- my best friends come from all different countries and faiths. What I love about my best friends are that they complete me, and what I lack, they make up for- ending up as my arm, a finger, a heart.

What am I? As much as I love being different, I also love relating. I remember at times when I was in China wondering about the lives of random people passing me by. The way they would hurry across the street, I wondered if they were married, what they were thinking at that moment. Maybe what to make for dinner, or when to pick up their kids. Then I'd sometimes think of my friends, those who I know well. I would wonder what they thought of in certain situations, initial reaction to an amusing situation, having them be with me in spirit.

Perhaps I am still trying to discover more about myself. Please let me know something about myself that you feel I should know. Well, the rest is still unwritten.

Kindness is not forgotten

A random note crossed my mind last night as I was in bed about to fall asleep. I suddenly thought about this nice couple from Philadelphia that I had met in Pisa- Jon and Joan. They were like the State Farm Insurance company commercial- how one does a good deed and another person noticed the action, touched, and does the same. This continues the pattern of good deeds. They, within a span of half a day and probably less than 30 Euros, made my day and really believe in strangers doing good deeds for others.

Those are the types of people I have had the privilege to meet and touched my the bottom of my heart, motivating me to make sure I mind the people around me.

Meeting You and Me

Just copying and pasting some past reflections down taken from a personal 3rd person piece. Smile and do a good deed today. :)

Paths often cross between two people for a reason.

At this intersection, they have a choice whether to stop and greet each other, and to open themselves up to a potential friend. It only takes that split second to decide whether or not to extend that connection, five minutes to learn about someone, another ten to be friends with them, and perhaps a lifetime to forget. That initial connection is like plugging something into an outlet and a small spark appears. We cannot turn back time but continue to do our best to make up for the time that was lost and enjoy the rest of life without sadness. Life was about karma, keeping a perfect balance between the good and bad. When the time comes, we all separate back onto our own paths and walk alone. It is a pity for sure. Life is about meetings and separations; if there was another chance meeting that was forged by fate, destiny would take its role. There’s only an extent of decision making that is controlled by our two hands, however she still did not believe there was a god that weaved all these meetings.

In search of a heart

So I decided I'd donate some money to an organization that helps support kids-aka adopt a kid in a 3rd world country. Well, people may ask why I'm doing this especially since I don't like kids, believe in overpopulation, and barely give a farthing to beggars on the street. Heck, I also don't even have any income such that it would actually just add into my debts.

I'll have to say this was first inspired by a conversation with dear friend Machada, then again reinforced by grandma visiting from HK, and my conscience to give back to society in some way (that does not require me to end up in a premed major, and volunteer in doctors without borders- with my skills, people will flee a country). Thereby I decided to look up organizations to give my cents to a worthy cause.

Well, dear Google, #2 on the search ends up with: http://www.cynicalbastards.com/cynic/contrib/3wpoverty.html

In critique of the article, it's frankly quite sad how a raging mom rants about having her tubes tied, the fact donating to 3rd World Organizations will only add onto more kids and overpopulation. Not that the reply was any better put. I've come to a conclusion things do happen for a reason, and the fact this insanely white woman reminds me once again of the Burger King episode a backpacker in Berlin witnessed (she kept on repeating her order louder and louder and finally got frustrated and said "Don't you people speak AMERICAN?!"), was just another notice of rich people without a brain. Maybe she hasn't been out of the country recently, or like ever. Oh yes, please do go hit up Mexico for the pina coladas and cheap goods though.

Perhaps she's a lawyer, or secretary, or some decent job, and she does have a vague concept that life does not surround the US of A, but she doesn't understand that there are people who just can't find that job, can't make that daily bread, can't stop reproducing because they think extra kids would equal more helping hands on the fields. Yes there are actually parts of the States where it's actually poorer than 3rd world countries. We'd like to neglect them so that we don't notice how disgustingly "dirty" our own turf is. And please don't blame other races, ethnicities, whatever there is to be labelled. Our world is far from perfect, yet we love to correct others that are for "the best interests of the country".

Okay I'm not a fan to beggars since I honestly think there are better ways to go on their lives and get something productive done without being on the streets. A classmate tried donating some coins to a violin playing beggar boy on the streets of Croatia when some stranger kicked the can over; she tried helping him pick up the coins to then which she was thrown dirt at. People, no matter how crappy your day has been, I cannot imagine why someone would throw dirt on some other random stranger just trying to be nice.

Heck, then again I've heard a few classmates on my Beijing program say "wouldn't the world be better if I killed off all these beggar kids?" while on our quite pricey study trip #1 (of the Hanging Temples of Taiyuan)- those kids at least work hard collecting empty water bottles whereas they spend most of their money getting insanely drunk and acting stupid every weekend. Yes I'm sure their money could definitely be put to better use rather than to forget their pitiful lives their rich mommy and daddies have trustfunded them with.

Despite not a fan of beggars, I am in full support of children attaining education, having the opportunity to grow up and be given that small chance of sucess at life, which does not require making a living having their moms kick them out on the streets at night so that they beg for money from drunk foreigners. Seen it all over Europe, plenty of Romas (aka Gypies by their informal, better known name), China in abundance.

Yes, there are many who cheat this system of humanity and compassion. It's sad to say 99% of what I saw in China felt that way-their main desire is to make lots of money. That's why I want to find a legit one out there I can donate to while I'm in school and then help out in one of those third world countries doing good for a bit before trying to help the world itself. My family is far from rich, but according to my grandma- it's definitely plenty more than what she had as a child- and I'm honestly grateful for the life and support my parents have given me. Unfortunately, there are plenty other parents who are better off but won't give a hoot to their kids, or want to support their kids in dreams and aspirations but just can't even afford the next meal. Hello, I'm Stephanie, and I'm trying to be one big band-aid for society.