Afraid to Be Alone?

I'm not sure if I am reiterating this but there is a sense where everyone is alone in this world.

I'm very simple minded in many ways. I've been alone most of my life, of course with family and friends to always be there for me. Yet the basis of what I do, I do on my own. Reading a bit of Kimi wa Petto last night (procrastinating on some paper/presentation writing), I thought about human nature and the reliance of others. Actually, I rely heavily on friends- they are the pillars of my life. And especially for my best friends, they know, that I'd always do whatever I can to be there for them when life goes wrong (and they also know I have an attention span of a squirrel so I suck talking on the phone).

Reliance on myself. As today is Valentines Day and there is a thought of gift giving involved, well, I really don't see much of the commercial holiday as I am also at work from morning to night helping to run a conference, then heading off to night class.

Simplicity. I'm sure a lot of people can get those chocolates, gifts, and cards. Then there are those girls who want some extravagant gift just to show off to whoever they are around. I guess that's cool for them, but being that I learned to surivive on the bare minimal (looks at closet and rethinks the statement... okay I guess I accumulated a bit in China), I only almost need what is necessary. I also get those days when I can always deck out all my Tiffany jewelry and act like some vain princess, but it's too much effort (plus it's heavy!). I own my own gemstones, I buy what I want, so honestly I really don't need much in this world in terms of materialistic goods. Maybe some Vivienne Westwood if you work there. Gucci, Chanel, Prada, Louis Vuitton, all overplayed. As much as I love chocolates, I can't eat a full box of Godiva in one sitting. Maybe Ferraro Rocher.... But it's the small things that count, things that I can remember.

LoL, like times in Germany when we painted the town red. And that delicious meal I had in Koln on New Years Eve. That unique restaurant in Tallinn that was set in the Middle Ages. Pizza (that burnt the roof of my mouth) after clubbing. Laying on the windy beach falling asleep in Cyprus. I can go on into a different post on this some other time, but honestly, I've learned that not many gifts do surprise or excite me now. Though I did give a weird look to the twig in my bag my friend threw in there (China), smile when my mom gave me a ring or a necklace (hey I've got only one neck, can't wear em all), etc...

So I guess the point of this post was initially a thought about when a friend of mine when we were in China asked me why I was so afraid to be alone...I wasn't. We need our alone time, but knowing we only had 3 1/2 months with each other, I thought hey why not make the most out of it since I won't ever see them again. So I wanted to spend more time with them. Perhaps deep down I don't like being alone, maybe not afraid. Perhaps at times when I try calling my friends, all of them are out of reach...maybe then I am simply...alone.