A Conversation With Myself. (Questions taken from Keri Smith’s WishJar).

A Conversation With Myself. (Questions taken from Keri Smith’s WishJar).

"There are no mistakes, only lessons."
Yep, so if you fall down, the main thing is to get back up again. You need to understand pain to live properly.

"But you did what you knew how to do at the time."
That’s true, so live with no regrets. It’s a lessoned learned.

"So, if you had to do it again would you do it differently?"
It would be nice to do something again differently, but then it would have a different result, so maybe I would’ve been different too.

"What are you afraid of?"
Being stagnant. I’m not sure if I am afraid of being alone. Well, and spiders.

"Which is?"
Not feeling active. I want to switch around once things start to bore me.

"Are you these things?"
Others probably don't think so since I've been around a good portion of the world within 20 years of my life. But I remember being in Tallinn for 3 days and even after that time, I started feeling antsy...

"So what if you are not these things?"
Then I just have a huge issue of being antsy. Maybe I'm not feeling comfortable in my own clothes.

"Aren't we all those things at some point? Don't we all project an image of ourselves based on what we want to be?"
Yeah I guess so...but I hope I don't look like I'm always antsy...maybe I've got ADD?

"So why do you not allow yourself any imperfections?"
It's awkward...I do have flaws I know that but I don't like others seeing them.

"But isn't that what it means to be human? To have imperfections? Doesn't everyone have them?"
I don't mind others showing their imperfections. I mean I also don't want to be the best either, but I don't want the be judged.

"You don't believe that do you?"
Well...I know I tend to do that to people so I'm sure they have the same rights to do that to me.

"So why is it important that people like you all of the time?"
Cause I'm afraid of being alone and being hurt. Yet ironically I am afraid to show my feelings more to the people I care about (the portion that comes after best friends and beyond good friends) and would be even more distant with them.

"Is that really what you want?"
no. Or maybe? I think I'm pretty self-destructive.

"What do you want?"

I want people to be honest with me and I don't want to feel like an outsider.

"You used the word 'again', when did you last feel safe?"
In China when I found out my friend was doing something I felt "wrong", my other friend held my hand under the table, sort of saying it's okay to feel that way but you can't do anything about it since it's his decision.

"What if you decided to do things based on what makes YOU happy?"
Then they would ridicule me and I would probably now have second thoughts...I used to have such a decisive attitude, but now I'm not sure exactly what I want.

"What if I told you that their disappointment was based on their own expectations of themselves, on their own fears?
I'm not sure if I would care...It philosophically sounds nice and maybe I'll feel better about that statement after I digest it mentally.

"You have time."